Leaving Fear, Finding Faith: Part 1

It's been awhile since I've written a post. It has mainly been because life has been somewhat crazy. Lots going on, but isn't that always the case. Since my last post, I've stepped out of some leadership roles at my church, became part of a leadership class in the city I live in, sung a song I wrote in front of my church family, fallen  in love with GOD more, and seen GOD work in my life to change me for His glory. I know the journey that He has me on isn't over yet. He promises that His dreams are bigger than anything I can think of or imagine.

I probably should start out with what God had me at the end of last year and where He has brought me on this journey of leaving fear and finding faith.

At the end of last year, I asked God for some pretty big things. I felt like He told me it would happen before the end of this year (2014). I had a great expectation that He would do it sooner than later. It still hasn't happened. So, what does that mean for me, more waiting. In the past the word wait would have caused so much fear. And to be honest, it still brings on the first twinges of fear. However, God gave me two passages of Scriptures on January 1st that has been played over and over in various ways this year. They are:

(Photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/92531887@N04/8634842558/)

(Photo credit: http://www.rileywritesscout.com/)

Both of these passages start of with the admonishment not to fear. God knew I would need these verses this year. He knew that in order for me to hold on to what He told me, I would have to stand firm in faith. Standing in faith for what God has told you is not for the faint of heart or fearful heart. I'm thankful for His promise that He is my God and that He will help me. 

Here are a few things He has taught me in the last ten months:

1. It's okay to say no or goodbye to things, people or places that are good. He might just be leading you to His best.
2. It's okay to be honest that you struggle trusting and believing. Every true believe struggles at some point in their faith, being honest about it doesn't make you less of His child or mean you don't love God. You just have to come back to the truth of who He says He is. Psalm 13.
3. It's okay to go alone if no one else wants to believe with you. I've realized everyone won't understand or believe you heard from God. God does still speak to us. If He spoke it to you, it might mean believing and trusting Him by yourself.

I don't like that last one. It's been the biggest hurdle for me this year. I don't like doing things alone. I'm an extrovert and I love people. It's hard to do things on my own most of the time. However, this is one area God may be calling me to believe all by myself. So, my hope is that I can join Job in saying:

(Photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/92531887@N04/8671587919/in/photostream/)

So, I'm learning that I can leave fear and find more and more faith as I remember who He is and that He can do all things.

Until next time...Blessings and peace,

  April   

Be Still: He is God

Recently, I was reading a friend's blog and came across something that struck me in a pretty intense way. She was speaking of the verse Psalm 46:10 and how God was using that to speak to hear during an extremely difficult journey the Lord has her on at this time. (You should read Ashten and Aaron's story and why she is blogging about it now.)


God has been speaking to my heart to be still. It is only then that we can know that He is God. We can fix our eyes on Him when we are still and hear Him speak.

When you hear God speak to you, typically it is when we are still before Him. Busyness is the killer of the stillness. We get busy about things that become our focus instead of focusing on Him and allowing Him to order and lead our day. However, most of the time we make plans and get our day going and forget to ask Him what He wants us to be doing that day. Sometimes we do this to avoid hurt, avoid obedience, or other things. He calls us to stay with Him a little longer. To be still.

If He is our anchor that holds when the winds of life threaten to not only bend us but tries to break us, then we need to consider this being still. I have been thinking through this theme that God has given me for this year, letting go. If He is my anchor, then I can let go and allow Him to lead me where I need to go, when I need to go, and what I need to be doing.

In this process I heard a song called Anchor by Bethel Music. It goes right along with what I've been discussing. It's hard to let go. It's hard to let go of our plans, what we thought we would be doing at this point in our lives. It's hard to let go of people who we love so dearly and sometimes have waited so long to find. It's hard to wait when we want something desperately and watch others get to have what we have been waiting to have as well. BUT God is still good! He is still in control and He does love us with a love that won't ever stop. HE is our anchor, our constant as His children.

If you are struggling with waiting, with being still, with letting go, He wants you to know that He is right there with you. He won't leave you. He won't stop loving you. He won't ever, ever let go of you. In the middle of your circumstances, in the middle of your hurt, in the middle of your journey: Be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD!

Reflections on an Essay by a Young Writer

Reflections on: "The Opposite of Loneliness" By Marina Keegan

I recently read an article about this twenty-two year old whose life was cut off too soon. Her name is Marina Keegan. She was a recent graduate from Yale. (You can read the article here.) However, in her short life, she was a writer and a pretty good one at that. She was supposed to be writing for the New Yorker by now. She died in a car accident as she was headed to a birthday party for her dad.

Though young, her writings have been put together in a book titled, by first article, The Opposite of Loneliness.

This article along with graduations approaching for many of my friends in college, I cannot but think back to my days as a student. I miss it, at times, to be honest. Lots of the things that Marian mentions in her essay, remind me of my college days. You never get to go back to those days. Sometimes you want to and other times you are thankful you are not still there.

I do think I miss the concentrated times with peers in the same place in life. It's hard for me to find that as a young 30 something, career person but not yet married and without children. It was the one time in my life I really didn't feel lonely because I had friends in the same place in life at the same time as myself. I don't know that you ever really have that after you are done with schooling during that 18 to 22 year age range. It's a special time and I learned some much and was blessed with some amazing, lifelong friendships. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I learned how to live on my own, make grown up decisions, and how to manage time and money. (I'm still learning those now as well.)

Do you ever think back on your time in college? I hope it brings back many fun and laughable memories as it does for me. Really YOLO, so don't waste it. Do and say things that matter and will last past today or tomorrow. Think eternally even in this #YOLO world.

Confession of a Planner

So with the theme I believe God has given me for the year, "Let Go!" , part of that letting go is planning. I am a planner. It's one of the things God has gifted me to do. I'm a details person. I recently told a friend, who sees herself as a visionary, "Visionaries would never get anything done without people like me." She agreed. Planning and details are necessary to carry out the vision.

However, sometimes I go overboard with planning. For example, the fact that in second grade I thought I had my life planned out until I was forty years old. (Who does this?) I wanted to be an attorney and then go into politics with the end goal being POTUS. Looking back, those plans were all about me and my accomplishments and what mark I wanted to leave on this world. It was all about me.

I've since then learned that being a disciple of Christ is to surrender my plan to His plan for me and how He chooses to use me for His glory. My life is not my own, so I do not get to plan my life or do only what pleases me. How counter culture is that? We live in a YOLO world, but God calls us to give up this philosophy and remember that we will live forever with Him.

      For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for 
      calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

     Many plans are in a man's heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand. (Proverbs 19:21)

      The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

      Commit your works to the Lord And your plans will be established. (Proverbs 16:3)

      This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus 
      Christ whom You have sent. (John 17:3)

      For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption,   
      but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. (Galatians 6:8)

Let's not be those who sow in the flesh, but rather those who sow to the Spirit. Allow Him to take your life and make it into a masterpiece for His glory and it will be for your good. 

Song of the Week

It Is Well

by Kristene DiMarco 

Bethel Music

Grander earth has quaked before

Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it for me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well
It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

(You can get this song, from the You Make Me Brave cd, from Bethel Music. I recommend the whole cd as it was the best money I've spent in a long time.)

Song of the Week

Can't Live Without You
by William McDowell

I can't live
I can't live without you
I was created to live in your presence
Can't breathe. Can't move.
There is no life apart from you. 

I need you to live
I need you to breathe
Can't live without you
Can't live without you

Photo Credit: Marie Travis Delph - 2009

Here is the song. I've had it on repeat this last week. Super simple words, but this should be the cry of our hearts. It is our acknowledgement of who He is and how we see Him. It also is our realization of seeing ourselves rightly. We are nothing without Him (John 15:5).

Baggage is a Burden

Recently, I read a devotional about Hebrews 12:1. It prompted me to begin thinking about baggage. You know it's something we all have in this world. Stuff. Issues. Whatever you want to call it, it is baggage. I think  for those who don't know the Lord it is EXCESS baggage.

 However, those who have a relationship with Jesus still have baggage and at times excess baggage. Many of our lives look like this airport baggage cart. We just keep piling things on top of another. What happens is we then get stuck. The burden becomes to great to move or carry or push. It also can become a distraction or even a source of frustration and eventually one just gives up. 

 God wants to help us with this baggage. He wants to take all of the excess and even what we think we can carry. Why, you may ask? Well, because He can handle the load. Dr Tony Evans puts it this way, "The good news of the presence of the Spirit of God is that He is the Emancipator. His job is to set you free from those things that hold you hostage." When He looks at our baggage he doesn't see what we see. He sees a child struggling to do things on their own when we hang on to these things. He wants to take them so that we can run the race marked before us. We can't run very well or very long with lots of stuff weighing us down. 

So, why don't we leave those bags on the carousel of the baggage claim and allow God through His Son, Jesus take those bags. As we approach the annual time to corporately remember the death, burial and resurrection of our Savior, we should once again revisit this leaving of baggage. Allow Him to carry it for us. This is what the cross was all about for us. It is the place where God allowed His Son to take it all on Him.