Leaving Fear, Finding Faith: Part 1

It's been awhile since I've written a post. It has mainly been because life has been somewhat crazy. Lots going on, but isn't that always the case. Since my last post, I've stepped out of some leadership roles at my church, became part of a leadership class in the city I live in, sung a song I wrote in front of my church family, fallen  in love with GOD more, and seen GOD work in my life to change me for His glory. I know the journey that He has me on isn't over yet. He promises that His dreams are bigger than anything I can think of or imagine.

I probably should start out with what God had me at the end of last year and where He has brought me on this journey of leaving fear and finding faith.

At the end of last year, I asked God for some pretty big things. I felt like He told me it would happen before the end of this year (2014). I had a great expectation that He would do it sooner than later. It still hasn't happened. So, what does that mean for me, more waiting. In the past the word wait would have caused so much fear. And to be honest, it still brings on the first twinges of fear. However, God gave me two passages of Scriptures on January 1st that has been played over and over in various ways this year. They are:

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Both of these passages start of with the admonishment not to fear. God knew I would need these verses this year. He knew that in order for me to hold on to what He told me, I would have to stand firm in faith. Standing in faith for what God has told you is not for the faint of heart or fearful heart. I'm thankful for His promise that He is my God and that He will help me. 

Here are a few things He has taught me in the last ten months:

1. It's okay to say no or goodbye to things, people or places that are good. He might just be leading you to His best.
2. It's okay to be honest that you struggle trusting and believing. Every true believe struggles at some point in their faith, being honest about it doesn't make you less of His child or mean you don't love God. You just have to come back to the truth of who He says He is. Psalm 13.
3. It's okay to go alone if no one else wants to believe with you. I've realized everyone won't understand or believe you heard from God. God does still speak to us. If He spoke it to you, it might mean believing and trusting Him by yourself.

I don't like that last one. It's been the biggest hurdle for me this year. I don't like doing things alone. I'm an extrovert and I love people. It's hard to do things on my own most of the time. However, this is one area God may be calling me to believe all by myself. So, my hope is that I can join Job in saying:

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So, I'm learning that I can leave fear and find more and more faith as I remember who He is and that He can do all things.

Until next time...Blessings and peace,

  April   

Be Still: He is God

Recently, I was reading a friend's blog and came across something that struck me in a pretty intense way. She was speaking of the verse Psalm 46:10 and how God was using that to speak to hear during an extremely difficult journey the Lord has her on at this time. (You should read Ashten and Aaron's story and why she is blogging about it now.)


God has been speaking to my heart to be still. It is only then that we can know that He is God. We can fix our eyes on Him when we are still and hear Him speak.

When you hear God speak to you, typically it is when we are still before Him. Busyness is the killer of the stillness. We get busy about things that become our focus instead of focusing on Him and allowing Him to order and lead our day. However, most of the time we make plans and get our day going and forget to ask Him what He wants us to be doing that day. Sometimes we do this to avoid hurt, avoid obedience, or other things. He calls us to stay with Him a little longer. To be still.

If He is our anchor that holds when the winds of life threaten to not only bend us but tries to break us, then we need to consider this being still. I have been thinking through this theme that God has given me for this year, letting go. If He is my anchor, then I can let go and allow Him to lead me where I need to go, when I need to go, and what I need to be doing.

In this process I heard a song called Anchor by Bethel Music. It goes right along with what I've been discussing. It's hard to let go. It's hard to let go of our plans, what we thought we would be doing at this point in our lives. It's hard to let go of people who we love so dearly and sometimes have waited so long to find. It's hard to wait when we want something desperately and watch others get to have what we have been waiting to have as well. BUT God is still good! He is still in control and He does love us with a love that won't ever stop. HE is our anchor, our constant as His children.

If you are struggling with waiting, with being still, with letting go, He wants you to know that He is right there with you. He won't leave you. He won't stop loving you. He won't ever, ever let go of you. In the middle of your circumstances, in the middle of your hurt, in the middle of your journey: Be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD!

Reflections on an Essay by a Young Writer

Reflections on: "The Opposite of Loneliness" By Marina Keegan

I recently read an article about this twenty-two year old whose life was cut off too soon. Her name is Marina Keegan. She was a recent graduate from Yale. (You can read the article here.) However, in her short life, she was a writer and a pretty good one at that. She was supposed to be writing for the New Yorker by now. She died in a car accident as she was headed to a birthday party for her dad.

Though young, her writings have been put together in a book titled, by first article, The Opposite of Loneliness.

This article along with graduations approaching for many of my friends in college, I cannot but think back to my days as a student. I miss it, at times, to be honest. Lots of the things that Marian mentions in her essay, remind me of my college days. You never get to go back to those days. Sometimes you want to and other times you are thankful you are not still there.

I do think I miss the concentrated times with peers in the same place in life. It's hard for me to find that as a young 30 something, career person but not yet married and without children. It was the one time in my life I really didn't feel lonely because I had friends in the same place in life at the same time as myself. I don't know that you ever really have that after you are done with schooling during that 18 to 22 year age range. It's a special time and I learned some much and was blessed with some amazing, lifelong friendships. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I learned how to live on my own, make grown up decisions, and how to manage time and money. (I'm still learning those now as well.)

Do you ever think back on your time in college? I hope it brings back many fun and laughable memories as it does for me. Really YOLO, so don't waste it. Do and say things that matter and will last past today or tomorrow. Think eternally even in this #YOLO world.

Baggage is a Burden

Recently, I read a devotional about Hebrews 12:1. It prompted me to begin thinking about baggage. You know it's something we all have in this world. Stuff. Issues. Whatever you want to call it, it is baggage. I think  for those who don't know the Lord it is EXCESS baggage.

 However, those who have a relationship with Jesus still have baggage and at times excess baggage. Many of our lives look like this airport baggage cart. We just keep piling things on top of another. What happens is we then get stuck. The burden becomes to great to move or carry or push. It also can become a distraction or even a source of frustration and eventually one just gives up. 

 God wants to help us with this baggage. He wants to take all of the excess and even what we think we can carry. Why, you may ask? Well, because He can handle the load. Dr Tony Evans puts it this way, "The good news of the presence of the Spirit of God is that He is the Emancipator. His job is to set you free from those things that hold you hostage." When He looks at our baggage he doesn't see what we see. He sees a child struggling to do things on their own when we hang on to these things. He wants to take them so that we can run the race marked before us. We can't run very well or very long with lots of stuff weighing us down. 

So, why don't we leave those bags on the carousel of the baggage claim and allow God through His Son, Jesus take those bags. As we approach the annual time to corporately remember the death, burial and resurrection of our Savior, we should once again revisit this leaving of baggage. Allow Him to carry it for us. This is what the cross was all about for us. It is the place where God allowed His Son to take it all on Him. 

Reflections on the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper

So, this past Sunday we had a good time at church reflecting on the last six weeks talking about loving God and people well. How to do it and why we do it. As a fitting ending of this study, we shared in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper often called Communion.

I wanted to share some reflections that came as I thought about why we do this act within our Christian churches. We can find these reasons in Scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:23-34.
This sacrament was left for us:

1. To reflect on who HE is
2. To reflect on what HE has done
3. To reflect on how HE now calls us to live 

As we approach a celebration of the resurrection, I was acutely reminded of His love and sacrifice for us on the cross (here is a great song about His love - How Great is the Love). I'm thankful that we have such a time to remember this not just once a year, but any time we come to the table.

We get to remember that His body was broken for us and it's our life source. We get to remember that it is the blood shed on that cleanses us and brings us salvation and right relationship with our great God. We do this in remembrance of the God Man, Son of God, Jesus Christ. May we never take this for granted or make this a common thing. It is a true truth that we need to revisit often as we tend to forget things to quickly. "This do in remembrance of ME."

Annual Staff Retreat Reflections: Part 1

Prayer from A. W. Tozer

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more… I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, I want to want thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

Loneliness

It's weird to think that we all feel alone at times. Most of the time I feel like I'm the only one struggling with loneliness, though I know that is not at all true.

I've been feeling like that lately. I'm sure there are some legitimate reasons:

- people getting married
- people having babies
- people starting new boyfriend/girlfriend relationships
- being away from family
- not feeling close to church family and friends

All of these are reasons that I feel like I'm alone right now. I'm so thankful for the faithful promise of my Saviour that He will never leave me or forsake me.

Love Others: The Second Greatest Commandment

Loving others as ourselves. That is the second commandment Jesus gave the lawyer when asked in Matthew 22. You know that the first and greatest commandment was to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. The second wasn't asked for, but Jesus gave it anyway. He had a point to make. That our love for our God should spill over into our love for others.

In John 13:35, Jesus tells the disciples how the world will know that they belong to Him, it is for their love for one another. How appropriate. He tells them that it is in their interaction with each other that others outside of the "circle" will know they have been with and truly love Jesus.

I recently watched a movie called "Henry Poole Is Here". It was a great story of others who have faith, reaching out to someone who has none. One who is hurting. One who has no hope. One who needs to find a reason to keep living. It's pretty cool because the people around Henry don't allow him to just become a hermit. They are persistent and continue to love on him.

People who don't know our Lord, see a difference in us when our love for each other is evident in our everyday lives. Even when we mess up from time to time in how we act and treat each other, but if we make things right it makes a difference as well. People know we are not perfect, but being willing to admit our shortcomings makes people take a second look at who we are as well.

Father, help me to honor you in my interactions with other believers and not-yet believers. Help me to be encouraging in my words and not tearing people down. Father, you told us if we would ask you would do. So, Father, I'm asking for you to help me to love like you love, to forgive like you forgive, to speak as you would speak, and to delight in the Father as you do and did. In Jesus' wonderfully precious and awe bringing name, Amen!

Prayer

What is prayer?

I think this has never really been defined for many people. Whether Christian or any other religion it seems to be an important part of the discipline required of each "believer". I look at Muslims and wonder what makes them so dedicated to their prayers. Is it the ritual of religion or is it something that brings peace and guidance?

If we look at a the point of view of Jesus, prayer was important to him and important enough to His disciples for them to ask Him to teach them to pray. I think we forget that prayer is communion with our Heavenly Father. It is our quality time with Him. Even Jesus set aside time while on earth to go, be alone and prayer and communion with His Father.

How much more important is it for us as His children (if we are joint heirs with Christ) that we should do the same. We are even told, "When you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly." in Matthew 6:6. It's not really giving us the option to not pray. It simply says when, implying that there will be time when we will be doing that particular act.

The further we get into the New Testament, Paul talks even more about prayer and it's importance in our lives as Believers. In 1 Thesselonians 5:16- 18, it gives a clear view of three things we should be doing as Believers. One is to rejoice always, pray without ceasing (all the time), and give thanks in everything (even when things don't go our way or when times are hard). We do these things, according to the end of the text, because this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us. In Romans 12:12, Paul again states that we should be joyful (or rejoice), patient in affliction (knowing that hard times will come but be thankful even then) and faithful in prayer. Prayer was an important part of the early church as well if you read throughout the book of Acts there is a lot of times that you see that "they prayed". It has been, is, and will be important as we continue on, on this journey until we are with the Father.

Since we are constantly supposed to be in prayer we are giving some things to pray about and for, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

May we learn to pray Scripture as well like the following prayer:
“Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little, since I do them with Your power; and little things as though they were great, since I do them in Your name.” - A prayer by Blaise Pascal. This prayer reflects a portion of Scripture it talks about the promise of being able to do all things through Christ and to do them in a way that ultimately brings glory to His name.


Father, help me to see prayer as my special alone time with you. Though it is good for me to pray with my brothers and sisters, it is good for me to have a special place and time when I meet just with you. Help me to make it a priority in my life. Help me to see it as a priority in ministry. Help me to see that the only way to be joyful in hope and patient in affliction is to remain faithful in prayer. Lord, show me your glory. I know that you are worthy of all my praise and all my worship and all my time and all my thoughts. I pray that my mind and meditation of my hearts would be steadfast on you and be pleasing to you. In Jesus' mighty and precious name, Amen.

Devo Readings

One central them in all the devotionals I try to read (at least once a day) is that God cause all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. It comes from Romans 8:28. I've always loved that verse, but do I truly believe and trust that verse in my life.

On devotional ended with a pray like this, "Lord, help to fight the temptation to scheme and fret rather than resting in Your sovereign provision. Help my impatient heart to trust Your unfailing love."

I will admit that my heart gets impatient for lots of things and I felt like this should be my prayer today too.

Father, help MY impatient (whiny, complaining, selfish- well you know that is what the impatience is) heart truly and completely trust in Your never ending, unfailing, unfaltering love. Help me to rest, rely, and lean completely on you today to meet all of my needs. In Jesus' name, Amen!

It's His Kindness that Leads to Repentance

I think that sometimes we get to caught up in the "religious attitudes" that are promoted by our churches, denominations and religious affiliations that keep us from loving on people who need to feel, hear, and experience the Father's loving kindness.

When we don't accept and love on those (believers or not-yet-believers) we cause loneliness for that person. Loneliness causes despair;when people are in despair, if they are hanging by a thread, they might just let go. Do we want to encourage or tear down? Do we want to spur them on to love and good works or be the one who helps them sink deeper into despair?

Father, I pray that the things that I say and do are pleasing in your eyes. Father, help me to allow your love to shine through this earthen vessel to touch someone who needs you. Father, let my hands and feet be tools for you to love on your people. Help us all, the Body of Christ, to truly allow your kindness, shown through us, draw people to repentance, to YOU. "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. "(Psalm115:1)

Deeper Still

This past weekend I had the opportunity to be apart of a wonderful time of worship, Bible study, and fellowship with 19,000 other ladies who love Jesus in Atlanta, GA.

We were all part of a Lifeway women's event called, Deeper Still.

We were privileged to sit and hear from Mrs. Kay Arthur, Mrs. Priscilla Shirer, and Mrs. Beth Moore.

It was amazing to hear the stories of these amazing women of God. They love Him more than anything else. More than their ministries or families or anything else in this world. I am in awe of how much they seek after Him. It's my prayer that the Lord would take me deeper still. Deeper in my relationship with Him. Deeper into service for Him. Deeper into His heart so that my heart hurts for the things that hurt His heart. I felt a distinct call at this event to work with teenage/college age women in study and discipleship. I'm not sure how the Lord is going to bring this to pass. I am not worthy of a call to teach or disciple anyone. I am humbled by the call to go deeper myself and to help others go deeper still in Him.

Father, help me to live worthy of the calling. I can only do so with your help because without you I am nothing. Father, help me to look to you when I feel alone or things look impossible. Father, help me to dig deeper into your love letter for me and my instructions on how to live for you. So that with Paul I can truly say, to live is Christ and to die is gain. For the glory of your name alone, Amen!

Studying Jeremiah & Prayer

Today I had the privilege of hearing a message by Dr. Waylon Moore. He spoke to a group of us at work today. He gave us three things we can take away about the Word from the book of Jeremiah.

1) The Word is food for us - Jeremiah 15:16
We have to eat the Word. When we eat it, it becomes part of us and it then has feet to be put into action
2) The Word is like a fire - Jeremiah 20:9
Can we say like Jeremiah that it is like a fire in us and can't be contained? Do we have to tell others about it?
3) The Word is like a hammer/chisel - Jeremiah 23:29
Does the Word hurt sometimes? Yes. Why? Because Christ is making us into His perfect creation.

He also talked about prayer and gave a cool illustration of what believing God, asking Him and praising Him are like in reference to a car engine. It's amazing that if we have faith we can claim those things that we are praying for and praise Him in advance for them.

Loneliness

I've been struggling with loneliness lately. I don't know if it's because I want to see my family and friends in Texas or just dealing with where the Lord has me right now. Either way I've been dealing with that feeling for a while. I was reading through a Bible study I am working through right now and this passage of Scripture stood out even more profoundly to me today.

Psalm 139 (NKJV)

For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Be encouraged that nothing can take His presence away from us if we are His children.

Stepping Out of the Boat

Do you remember the time when Jesus was seen by the disciples walking on the water? (Matthew 14:22-36)

The disciples first reaction was fear because they didn't recognize Christ. (v. 26) Then Christ speaks to them (v.27) and tells them to not be afraid. Then Peter speaks up (v.28), "Lord if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." Jesus tells him to come. Peter, got out of the boat and began to go toward Jesus. However, when Peter focused on the things around him, he began to sink. He cried out and Jesus' loving hand reached out to him to pull him up. Jesus asks Peter,"Why did you doubt?"

I think the Lord asks all of us to do things that might seem ridiculous and scary at times. However, He just wants us to trust Him. Although He is aware of our frame, and that we are merely dust with out the power of His breath in our lungs, He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to trust Him for the next step.

Father, I believe you are the Almighty One. Help my unbelief. Help me trust you completely for the next steps, even when I can't see it. Help me to step out of the boat like Peter, but help me to keep my focus on you even when it seems dangerous or scary. In Jesus' name, Amen!